this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items that don't warrant a page by themselves or seem to fit better here

chronological order is from the bottom to the top of the page

layout is done with the internet explorer text size setting at  largest  and with a zoom of 125%, though i don't have an opinion on any correct size per se

links are in the  times new roman  font  

i think the problem that lesbians have

is that sex is so accessible

they spend their lives in a frenzy of lust

and there's a stupidity that follows from that

a bit from here

a bit from there

and a bit from somewhere else

the universities don't write

they put inane thoughts in code

that they then claim is not inane

when you praise a crap artist

you are trivialising the great's like van gogh or monet

same with writing

read harry potter and osip mandelstham is hurt

but life has always been that way

fem lesbians are double folded female

death is a constant process

in living

unless you are schizophrenic or psychotic and that's the problem

they don't die to the delusions

tho they die if they look

men drive the cars

and women drive the men

i don't think translations are stand alone poems

they have to be read in the context of other translations

and the original

i think if you can really see something

you would escape it

you can see that you can't really see something

the male is happy if the female is happy

the female is happy if the male is, shall we say, "somewhat under the gun"?

women are arrogant about men being so blind about their motivations etc.

well superiority

but arrogance i have seen in a lot of women about this

how men are moved around like pawns in chess by women

you really have to let ideas change at their own speed

you love my mind and i suppose that's part of love, a greed for what the other is

anais nin expresses the female point of view very well

we spend so much of our life

doing what doesn't really interest us

a poem is a personal form of memory

we all get murdered by love in our different ways

some get murdered more than others

or is it

they simply don't see it?

employment is slavery

genius in terms of genius is overrated

or perhaps it isn't, i was thinking of keats and the ode on a grecian urn

but in terms of the hoi polloi it's not

there's a very low level out there

eventually the picture erodes and the stars shine through

it's weird how the days roll into each other, like some endless road trip, never ending

the deep sleep of forever

“ this statement is false ”

there is so much indefintion in that

that you can't really say anything

people are so schizophrenic that it severely degrades their ability to raise children successfully

therefore since schizophrenia seems to be an evolutionarily driven imperative

it must be enforced by the priority of motivation to raise children

that is, its no good having a better ability to raise children successfully if that superior clarity of thinking encourages retirement from the need to raise children

there's something wrong with the american university system with its enshrinement of stupidity and attention deficit

art, literature, medicine, nutrition

they are as thick as bloody bricks

  vegas  by charles bukowski

quite a subtle poem as he modes into the artificial crap poetry style that is so typical of academic writers

yeah don't tell people what disturbs them

my day is made if i can get two hours sleep during the day

there's no world where there is a poet one side of the fence and on the other side are the readers

poetry is a natural mode of thinking

theres no point to reading poetry except the processing

i write for myself and memory

nice comfy feelings don't make for clear thinking

religion, religious work and schizophrenia are all different sides of the same thing

truth is a cross between religion and poetry

the problem is you are emotionally immature until you start to die

one of the depressing things about this work is the sheer human emptiness of it

but its also a joy

trial and error

error and trial

theory needs to inform experience

and experience needs to inform theory

as i get older

almost everything is a poisoned chalice

i don't think its helpful to consider wether this or that person does or doesn't conform to this or that abstraction

there's something intrinsic in abstraction that does and doesn't apply

there is nothing more pointless than the criticism of poetry

a good poem is integral

you cannot break it apart or suggest improvements meaningfully

if its a bad poem why bother?

the sort of intelligence required to breed is quite different from that to understand life

the intelligence to understand life is quite exceptional, extrordinary and rare

osip mandelstam stayed with beauty and died with her

there is nothing more depressing than reading the lives of the poets

you can't go back to the past

insert yourself as you are now

and things would have been different

someone does you a favour

emotionally it doesn't feel like it

but practically it is

you are a fool not to take advantage of it

there is no explanation for a  leaf insect  except evolution

the female brain is more powerful than the male brain

that is why men do so much better at gender blurring

they are tapping into that more powerful brain

whereas women tap into the less powerful male brain

i am sure you have seen it with lesbians, just more sexual silliness

you may be not at rest in this world

but at rest in infinity

the big difference between the net and books is the cost of blank space is zero

there's any number of stories that can be conceived but never written

and who knows, never conceived

however great anything is, it will be brought down

you should have known me long enough to know i am always going off track and steering back on, sometimes its a process of months or years

its my brain

if saying something doesn't do any good, then like me you would be better to bite your tongue and wait for a good opportunity when things are black and white

nothing exists in its pure unadultered form in this world

its always better to have a degree of spoiling

because it will happen anyway

in writing you have to make what is not said

work just as much for you

as what is said

reality is a single fabric from which even physics is cut

there is something in a double rainbow that implies the curvature of space

one of the things about the web

is writing is such a meaningless occupation now

i remember reading einstein's description of how he dealt with light and the observer

it was very elegant, like looking at a triple backwards somersault and ending up landing in the same place on his feet facing the right way

he escaped the recursion in a clear and meaningful way, yet was still the recursion

there is infinity

there is no infinity

this stuff is quantum physics

you can't reason directly about something that the fact of observing

changes the nature of what is observed

i am not a compedent speller

love is a gulag

there's something intrinsically zero sum about life

autism is basically an ultra logical, ultra creative mindset that comes from a fusion of the brain in the womb touching on infinity to give it the needed power to get through a disasterous life of very deep potholes

being fellow travellers is a stronger bond than love

once a month a follicle spits an egg into the ovary. all human behavior is determined by this

just being away from people is one the most marvellous fullfilments a man like me can have

just the absence of humanity is a fullfilment so graceful that even god would understand if he invented them which he probably didn't

                      charles bukowski

death is not a discrete process with the demise of the the departed

life is full of leavings

nothing is ever right, it's all a process

theres no such thing a getting something right, its a continual process of improvement and you have not entered into this process so are getting caught out

i don' t think people understand how significant thyroid problems are

they think its just another thing, but thyroid problems kill all of you

a drop of iodine on the wrist once week can be a huge help to you

women with breast cancer are as good as killed by the crappy advice about skin vitamin D/sun and iodine

breast cancer cannot be cured, only put into remission

are you going to be a moth and chase the flame of the opposite sex?

every time i write something i wave it goodbye

i am not optimistic

it will just disappear into the vast sink of infinity like everything else

women are very different and think very differently

they can be very self oriented and the only thing that tempers that somewhat is love

even on that leash they can be murderous and if they are not on it, just forget it

nothing fits on spectrum, love, life or anything, its best to focus on getting the basics of survival well founded

and thats just the way it is

its not possible to read the bible and be a christian

its a deeply ambiguous document

the more you know about the bible

the less possible it is to be a christian

appearing happy

just lift the corners of your mouth

stop you looking grim

i think theres something about success that breeds failure

some willingness to jump into the unknown again

with the usual disasterous consequences

or not necessarily disasterous

theres nothing like an illness or disease to stuff your schedule up

if you are ill or have a disease

give it priority

incompetence is better than wrong minded competence

the problem with god

is not that i have a problem with god

but that god would worry who made him

since he made everything

then he would worry

who made him?

genius has only one fate

to be ignored in its own generation

and plagiarized in every generation that follows

when your enemy makes a mistake

don't point it out to them

its good they take the consequences

i keep having to explain what i write

its a discursion on reality

if you want to be upset

you will

but just step back

and see how things fall

my poems hurt because i am hurt

all my poems hurt cause no matter what i do, i hurt

you are hurt

so am i

its really fundamental that what i write is sorta an average over a lifetime and not necessarily happening now

how can i tell you are on autistic spectrum or have aspergers syndrome?

you have that ultra rational streak that only comes from extreme physiological and neural hardship

normality is peculiar

extremely peculiar

what does the donkey know of its master?

as a general rule, anything written about women by men is likely to be lacking

this is particularly noticeable in fiction

one form of misery just gets replaced with another

its better to be out of than in love

communism is so economically dysfunctional that it takes an extreme amount of repression to keep the rulers in control

hence the reality of communism is thuggish

i think the problem with tv is we take an elaborate construct

as natural and intuitive reality but it's very far from that

you cannot take my writing as my bedrock emotional state, it is writing

poems are never exactly our lives

what makes a good poem is its ability to be universal despite its specific context

a unity of the personal with the abstract

i have never seen any miracles

i have only seen work in the right direction create its own luck or tap into quantum space

people usually half work in the wrong direction

sometimes it can take a very long time to get things right

results are hard to get and demanding and with life's other pressures no wonder people just sit in some vacant non-functional space

pretending and not performing

basically you need to abstain from some superflous activities to get the extra time

thank god i have given up being a sucker sinking my time into you lot of ratbags

existance has a substrate

the seeds of spoilage


in the search for perfection

its all a process

it just goes on

it never fixes

the problem with atheism

is if you say theres no god

its the same as saying there's

one god

the weirdest thing is there is no audience for competent supplement and dietary advice

for completely insane twaddle

there is an audience

sometimes those who thwart you are doing you a big favour

not necessarily

but they really do

if you take someone's advice, how can another part of it be so bad you go the opposite of it?

you need to think about that

its funny that how god which is the conventional human depiction of infinity is male and typically wrong

infinity is a very gender blurred female

if infinity favours my efforts, she will look after them

it's not my concern

yeah human is to fail and die rather than try

you can't put sense where its not there

the problem with employing the unemployed

is that short of violence

you can't force the unwilling to work satisfactorily

if you don't stop short of violence it can be done

slave cultures used to do this

people have no idea how intrinsic slave culture is to the human pysche

there is a lot less continuity

within ourselves than people imagine

question to a zen master : you have passed all the koans and been given transmission

why does a passing child know more than you?

i am walking LSD

just reading my writing breaks down your boundaries

in a constructive way

if you can hack it!

people get very nasty when they are told what is true, but what they don't want to know

the guiding stars that a child develops by age 7 will govern the course he steers and is steered by

for the rest of his life

the conventional view is that life is everything

and death is nothing

but in fact

death is the quantum backdrop

that life is dependent on for its sustenance

i think what i specialize in

is an abstract perception which the world is not ready for and never will be

there is no point to it and i wonder why i do it

i am able to and it is more interesting than anything else

if there's one thing i notice women hate, it's that they are damaged being pointed out to them

they can cope with most stuff

but this really gets their goat

interfers with some deep brain paradigm of fitness for breeding?

on the tenth or one hundredth time around

sometimes i get it

autism is a gift, it is a neurological adpatation that occurs within the womb

what has happened, especially with the dominance by the americans and their horrendous vaccine scheduling from birth in recent decades is “like autism"

that is damage that looks like autism without the gift

just crappy murderous social seeking

you have lived long enough to see how dumbed down everything is now

those that don't want to know

won't know

the vast majority are caught within the ideas of their generation

and want it that way

or at least will never look or have any notion of seeking further

unconcious living

one of the problems with poems is you get seduced by words and expressions


really seduced

who cares

about an autism diagnosis?

why this need for insane referents?

infinity cleans my shoes!

a prophet is without honour in his own country and this is for the protection of the prophet because with honour comes those who would destroy you and usually they succeed

if you remove the  "invisible hand"  of adam smith then by necessity you will have the visible hand of terror and the state security apparatus

simply because the economic performance is is so misallocated and poorly performing that huge inertial forces will fly the whole thing apart without terror

history is the history of humans and tools and modern technology is moving the economic and social enviroment in a weak way but still there moving more towards socialism, misallocation and terror

weirdly there is now a terror of medical cultism, especially the compulsion and terror of the vaccine holocast now current (1990 -) in the usa

the whole idea of quantum, the imposition of the particular against the backdrop of infinite potential

human love is occlusive of infinite love

basically there's a fairly simple theoretical background in which self injury, injury and ultimate reality/infinity make sense and auden's  "as i walked out one evening"  poem is a good explanation of that

it takes a woman to keep a man in one place

aging is not a quiet decline, but the steadily increasing roar of a hurricane that consumes us eventually

the problem is men are dull compared to women

they are just not interesting to write homilies about

my homilies are a strong compliment to women because they are interesting enough to study and observe

(ed. the above is in in response to a complaint about my "bias" about not writing about men much)

women always have a residual sharpness and realism ready to take advantage of a situation regardless of their views of it

i think the moment you become famous

your creative life comes to an end


that is not going to happen

people only want dead twits they can plagarize

and sell themselves

as priests of

the bleak cold world of

ultimate reality

if you want to upset people

talk to a bunch of women

about non-attachment

women are too specialised to the manipulation of male behavior and the raising of children to be much good at anything else

conversely men need manipulation to keep them at all functional

my poems are abstract and a synthesis of a life's experience and that of my observation of others

they are not necessarily personal

tho they can be

the pole star

of the individual brain

life is a long homily

kitchen organisation is all about stacking, shelves and storage of non-useful items!

one of the benefits of letting things go for a while is seeing what you use and don't use

lovers joining the dots the wrong way is one of life's disaster areas

men and women are designed to be tempered by each other

life is fatigue

truth is complex and intricated

love is a constantly varying landscape

there is a constant huge rate of change

that is difficult to see

if you don't think that this is the case

then you can't see it

or are out of love

what is out there

a million miles of morons


sir henry neville wrote the plays purported to be by william shakespeare

it really distorts one sense of reality to think that shakepseare wrote those when he was so very ordinary

the myth the plays were by shakespeare was perpetuated by friends of neville after his death to protect nevilles children

poetry is to tell yourself about how the world is

“the truth hurts”

truth is a larger context than personal gratification

that's what causes the issues

and then there's the question of what is true

oftentimes its not easy to tell or even form a meaningful question and has to be delineated over a while or quite a while

shifting sands i am afraid

women are to misinformation

like sand is to being grainy

when i left  "was pushed out"  of my last job they lost one of their best workers, but it was good thing for me to have left

you are only making money for the owners and at the end of the day you only take the experience you have gained from your work with you, that's all you take for giving the best years of your life

that was very important for me to learn that

one advantage the mad have is they look outside the normal boundaries

this does help with problem solving

being mad tho they don't cross reference what actually happens with what they would like to be happening

being mad is a state of maladaption of problem solving activities, not simply a state of mind

so many right roads and only one wrong road

why do we always take the wrong road?

actually the above is a wrong road because there are so many wrong roads and so few right ones

being alive has a very rough edge

women are great believers in having their cake and eating it

zen is toxic viral swill

the problem with love is it is completely compelling

there's nothing quite as insane as a completely futile voluntary activity

theory is an increasingly fine grained approximation to observation

the only way to escape this is tautology

then you are the grain

quantum physics enforces that level of detail/fine graining for which observation is a material physical mechanism interfering with the physics of what is observed

in other words observation and being observed are recursive

no wonder einstein didn't like it, tho his original thought experiments with light are a brilliant escape from the recursion of observation and effect

quantum physics is a tribute to the porosity of absolute reality

everything is successive approximation

charles bukowski has made a big impact on me and i was wondering why

i think its because he had a strong natural line in the infinite and he was confident in it

i have strong natural line but being somewhat socially oriented and wishy washy was never confident

i am now confident

however far you have come there is always a million times further to go

thats what infinity is

life is infinite

i write for myself and those across generations, i don't expect sympathy or anything except negativity within this generation

why is that?

i think its because people have purpose and any discursion on absolute reality strongly undercuts and opposes any purpose or point to life

there is not a consistent semantics to explain absolute reality or even an absolute reality

let time work for you

"reality is not what people think it is"

what could be more than love?

there's something more than love

i live a different paradigm, i live for eternity and not tomorrow

a win is fragile, it can be taken away

one of the big differences with publishing on the web is blank space is free, whereas on paper it costs the paper, even if it doesn't have any printing on it

people are like bowerbirds or magpies, they are not interested in the thing itself or competency or understanding of the subject per say but the accretion of appearances to deck about themselves

human behavior is all about successful breeding so it must work to a considerable extent

or it's maybe just malfunctional damage

one can be distanced without being less in love

distance is tidal

it moves on the poles of contiguity

if something is spoiled a bit from the start, that is realistic rather than having it unalloyed which will be destructive

"never get old if you can avoid it"

one of the problems with wealth i think is that you lose touch with doing things for yourself and rely on purchased services for everything and in fact, by and large, purchased services miss the fine intrication necessary for adequate health and nutrition

orwell's 1984, while very good makes the presumption of perfect competence by the state which is faulty, in fact the state is very incompetent, or a sad mix of competencies and incompetencies which is the usual crucifixion of the human condition

as a matter of interest, 1984 is named for a poem by orwells wife, eileen o'shaughnessy, “end of the century 1984”, written in 1934

intelligence can be clarified with a bit of work and inclination

i think the way the "beyond reasonable doubt" verdict works is something like this

if the verdict was just what the jury thought was guilty and not beyond reasonable doubt you would have a 10% false incarceration rate

beyond reasonable doubt reduces it to 1%

what is philosophy?

the love of sophie

who is sophie?

the philosophers wife

philosophy is inherently a fragmented paradigm

i must be viral, all my bon mots are not quite bonning

why would you choose something that is true, over something that is false?

because what is true is a better explanation and more predictive

people nowadays just choose what is most convenient

what is truth is entirely recursive, what is true is not

the failure of modern life is the replacement of any sane notion of what truth is with the notion that truth is simply any consensus view

something is true when the evidence comes consistently from a number of different viewpoints that are themselves true

poetry is a force for intelligence in a world where the force is for stupidity

i think writing poetry is a social event across the centuries with the few people ever likely to understand you or be interested

brutality is part of elegance simply because the delight of elegance is a quick kill

the thing about religion is the very mediocre minds it contains

even the so called “greats”

st. augustine especially

genius is a kind of intellectual poverty

it is not dependent on internal resources

but synchronicity with the external world

people want cost free understanding

if you look at the lives of the poets, john keats, charles bukowski, syliva plath, anne sexton, do you want lives like that?

if you can't accept that is what it takes then you have no clues.

on the other hand a cruelly painful life is no guarantee of understanding

there is no system but work, persistence and winnowing

its very difficult for people to understand the viewpoint of poetry until you write it yourself

poems don't want to be just personal experience but need some leavening with abstraction about life

what is the point of writing poetry if you don't get some larger overall look at things?

poetry is about questions like "what is the nature of reality", "what is death", "what is life?"

it's not the usual thing and most people are not interested in the same way sheep are not interested in the slaughter house or what is beyond the paddock

these questions can be pretty brutal and my advice is if you are not interested, not to look

people want trash

they do this because the demands of life

only permit shallow attention to everything

they follow what feels good and tastes good to them

its only when you question the reality of what feels good and tastes good

that you start to move away from trash

if it all makes so much sense

why do people die?

its better to take a bit of damage in advance than more damage later

one of the problems of getting older is you can't track the cost benefit of this

or take any damage at all

the perspective of ownership

is a perspective

the purpose of the female is to sucker the male

the female view is that men are emotionally immature. the undisguised female view is that men are immature

the male view is that women are crazy, the undisguised male view is that women are insane

people make too much of understanding, not understanding is just as important

i have long pondered hatred with a logical mind and come to the conclusion hatred has no logic, nor does it have consistency.

hatred is opportunistic and hence it bends to maximise its justifications.

hence it is completely futile (and exhausting) to address of answer to hatred using logic.

so if one is utterly logical, one best leave hatred to self destruct.

the phrase ‘get a life’ is actually very helpful. for when one leaves haters to it, their world is actually nothing more than a pimple on the arse of humanity

      donna williams       cyber bully

women watch men the way men watch bank accounts and investments

real life is far more interesting and absurd than any fiction

being wrong is like catching a ball, its a skill

what has being wrong got to offer you?

if you are never wrong , you will never be right

when you have fallen in love, you are faced with the extraordinary sight of your own brain trotting you up to the guillotine

all information presented is coloured by our own agendas

theres always a mix of selling, misinformation and useful information

mostly i step back now and let people fall into their own confusion

to them that don't have, what little they have they throw away

van gogh was poisoned by a combination of the heavy metals in his ultra bright paint pigments and the toxins from the syphilis spirochete

he sold one painting in his lifetime and poisoned himself for generations of arseholes to follow to make money out of him

such is the way of beauty and truth

theres just no remedy for somethings, no matter what you do there's no remedy

educational arts qualifications are not worth a cent, they are certificates of inability and retardation

the non-necessity of an audience or the illusionary necessity of an audience

truth is a subset of sense, nonsense knows no subset

the hunting of the snark is truth and nonsense

audens "land of the dead" is a perspective on quantum space

is it simplifying or is it complexising

i notice people only like what they agree with, they have no notion of getting to grips with what they disagree with

i'd rather talk to the interesting dead than the live boring

the misshapen, half born

some call them poets

atheism is another human worshipping religion

one of the problems is that evolutionarily and genetically men are not real compared to women

like they are second rate and not worth talking about much compared to women

men are like ghosts compared to womens reality

self centeredness in women is for their own use

self centeredness in men is the vehicle by which women control mens behavior

men who are manipulative in the female way are very gender blurred

one of the hardest things about writing is accepting that one has talent or even genius in the face of the chorus of naysaying by the cretins who don't like being shown up

poetry is not about poets but poems

everything is endless infinite regress

you don't have to look at escher

u live it

sometimes i listen to my own advice, like i really need to use this diarying process (text files ed.) much more intensively to make more progress

it also makes using the computer a lot less passive, not just endless reading

the passivity of just reading is more a core issue with computers and the internet, not just computer use per se

poetry often can't make sense but prose just about always does

i think the difference between poetry and prose is the unity of sound in a poem

women can be extraordinarily self centered and men are the suckers that support this

its results that matter, not intentions

someone may intend to do you good but have a harmful effect

another may intend to injure you but in fact help you

somethings are irreversible, usually the effects are complex, work with it and don't angst over it

you need to learn to let time do the work for you

just wait and see which i do quite a bit with you

god is the misinformation of the crowd

theres nothing intuitive about driving, it takes an accident or near accident to get your attention

the relationship between the land of dead or quantum reality and this world is a mixture of savancy, gift, focus, priorities, serendipitous spreading of attention and especially work

there is always a constant building needed to create the steps that with a bit of luck can reach the heights

auden's giant, jack, lily-white boy and jill are constantly being built

you can go back and forth with meaning

meaning what

going back and forth with meaning

christianity now is a shadow of its glory from the the time of roman empire to luther.

its been dead for centuries and what we see now is just the remnants and it can't be less than this

what killed christianity was the obvious absurdity of the crusades which was involved heavy losses and minimal loot

its odd how these things have a life of their own and can echo down the ages

islam is now running into issues of compatibility with modern life but its not as sophisticated as christianity and never ran into an issue like the crusades where the fundamental purpose of a religion which is to loot got disguised by acutal beliefs

what happens when we die?

the world does not continue

poems can't be criticized or analysed

they can only be replied to

this is to sort out the educated twits who think english is capitals, correct spelling and shallow concepts

to write a poem you have to go to the edge and beyond

you return a different person

men don't have sex

they have something that is in the same relation to women as a match to a bonfire

the male brain is just as romantic as the female if not more

perhaps more because it is so beset by illusion

males have natural blinders in the brain that prevent them understanding a woman.

if you want to understand a woman just look at what they do and believe it

the blinders can't get around that

you can win by so much you look like you are losing

you may be retired but the body decay process has gone into overtime

each stage of life is just as painful and difficult as the last

the net has profoundly shifted the balance of power from companies, corporates and organisations to individuals

humans are chimpanzees with kitsch